What My Life Consists of
by Batwings79
Summary: Series 4 Episode 5 - Isobel Crawley and Dr. Clarkson are bickering in her parlor and once again, she is pulling faces and he is rolling his eyes. That can't possibly be the end of the conversation! Let's take a peek at the part that Julian Fellowes decided NOT to show us!


_**A/N: The scene between Dr. Clarkson and Isobel Crawley from Series 4 Episode 5 was as if they were an old married couple bickering and picking at each other. As we all know that Fellowes does not have them in a relationship, other than friendship at the moment…I felt that the scene was the perfect setup for THIS conversation…**_

_**Disclaimer: Don't own 'em, don't make any money off 'em, and no copyright infringement is intended, just the opportunity to extend the scene to move the plot along a bit faster!**_

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"That seems rather harsh!" she exclaimed and turned away from him to stare at an imaginary speck of dust on the wall.

"Isobel…I only meant that you seem intent on perceiving something that isn't true," he said, hands still clasped behind his back as he stared out the window, listening to the sound of her breathing.

"It feels true enough…"

"Well, you're not completely unloved…"

"What do you mean?" she asked with her usual sharp clinical tone.

"I've tried Isobel," he replied plaintively, "and you said that you preferred your life the way that it was. Independent, able to come and go as you please…"

"That is true, and I still wish to be independent…I'm just not certain that I wish to be so alone anymore." She turned away from him again, fearing his rejection as she had done to him last summer.

"My turn to ask," he replied with a soft chuckle, "What do you mean by that?

"Knowing that Matthew was at the Abbey, just a short drive or a healthy walk away….but…."

"But?..." he prompted patiently when the silence grew long.

"Circumstances have changed…I have changed….I may have changed my _mind_ anyway," she said with a weary sigh.

He wanted to be very certain that he understood exactly what it was she was saying, or not saying as the case may be. "You may have changed your mind on _what_ exactly?"

"About…marrying again…or at the very least, having someone to care about, to care for me, a help-mate, a-a…lover, if you will…" she stumbled a bit over the last, cheeks blazing when she realized what she was saying.

Pacing to the other end of the room so that she would not see the excited gleam in his eye, he asked over his shoulder, "Was there someone in particular that you had in mind?"

"There was but I am fairly certain that he is no longer interested, not in that way anymore," she said ruefully and fidgeted with her wedding band.

"Why would you think that?!" he exclaimed, whirling to face her across the room.

A sudden flicker of hope ignited in her chest at the sound of alarm in his voice. "Well...I've been holding him at arm's length, you see. Trying to convince myself that I was happy with my singular role as grandmother, by telling _him_ that it was enough. We were good friends, I made bold and teased him once… called him Gunga Din…" her voice trailed off when he came to stand beside her, reaching out to brush an errant curl from her cheek with the backs of his fingers. Instinctively, she turned her head to nuzzle the back of his hand.

"Isobel, tell me what you want from me," his voice barely a whisper.

"I don't know, Richard, I...I just know that I'm tired of being alone, of feeling lonely, like an outsider." She stood to gaze out the window at nothing in particular.

"Is that all, you need someone to talk to, to keep you company?" Cradling her elbow and turning her to face him, his hands slid down her arms to hold her gently at the wrists. She grimaced and looked down at the floor before pulling back just enough to clasp his hands and twine their fingers around each other.

"I have come to cherish the time that we spend together. There is no one here that will engage in the conversations that we have...medicine, politics...even when you roll your eyes and pretend that I'm just a daft female," she smiled at his gentle laughter. "To quote a _very_ good friend of mine...you understand what my life consists of, in a way that no one else does."

He swallowed hard around the disappointment sticking in his throat, "Then _very_ good friends we shall remain."

"Thank you for that, Richard, but there is a slight problem," she said with exaggerated innocence. "You see...I've begun to miss you."

"Miss me?" he queried with a puzzled frown.

"I miss your physical presence when you've gone home. I catch myself turning to tell you something and you're not there. I sometimes wish that you would go with me to the Abbey to spend time with Baby George..." her voice barely a whisper by the end.

"I'll ask again, what do you mean, Isobel?"

"I don't know! I don't know if it's the loneliness speaking...or perhaps...I might be developing feelings..."

That was all Richard needed to hear, tugging slightly on their still clasped hands, he nuzzled his own cheek against her hair as she leaned against his chest to rest her forehead on his shoulder. "May I make a proposal?"

Stiffening in panic and pulling back to look up at him, "Not marriage, Richard, I'm not yet ready to leap off of that cliff!"

"No, my dear, not marriage," his voice rang with genuine laughter, "I was only going to suggest we try courting for a bit, see where that takes us?"

"Courting?!" Her nose wrinkled in distaste. "Aren't we a bit past it for courting?"

"Well, you may be," he frowned playfully at her, "but I most certainly am not! Besides, courting would allow me to spend a lot of time over here...with you! Taking you out to dinner, maybe to the opera in London, long walks in the moonlight..." The unabashed desire in his eyes causing her blood to sing, she tightened her fingers around his, which only emboldened him to continue, "There is one other benefit to courting."

Carefully moving their clasped hands to the small of her back, he enjoyed the feel of her body pressing tentatively against his. Bowing his head to press his lips softly to hers, his heart began to race when she nibbled at his lower lip. Deepening the kiss, he felt rather than heard her groan into his mouth when the sound of the front door slamming shut reached their ears.

"Isobel?! You really should consider getting a butler to answer your door!" They sprang apart just as the Dowager Countess swept into the room.

"Oh good, you're here too Dr. Clarkson!" Sitting on the edge of the settee, she looked from one chagrined face to the other before pursing her lips and asking, "Have I missed something?"

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_**A/N2: Thank you for reading! **_


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